Accidental Tulips

If you're looking for a guy with a green thumb, I would be at the absolute bottom of that list.

But under one of the dogwood trees in my front yard, these lovelies have recently brought a splash of color to my world…

It's A Bird, It's A Plane, It's...

No, actually, it's a tire. And it's up in a tree, about 30-32 feet above the greenway. Which puts it about 40-some-odd feet above Crabtree Creek on a normal day. Now, there ain't no way in hell that the creek has ever flooded high enough for this to have floated up there, not even back on September 6, 1996, when Hurricane Fran clobbered Raleigh.

So how the heck did it get there?

Ah-CHOO!!!

Anyone who has ever lived around these parts will probably recognize this crud.

This first shot is one I took the other day following a brief morning rain shower.

This one was taken a bit later, after a bunch of that stuff had dried out. Nasty!

It's that time of year – the time when all the pine trees, which we have in NC in great abundance, release all of their pollen. It's all over my porch, my deck, my car. Hell, it's all over everything. It's so bad you can't open your windows for ventilation or the interior of your whole house will be covered in it.

I am soooo grateful that I'm not allergic to that stuff. I know a lot of folks who are miserable from it. And just as soon as the first massive wave of pine pollen has been released, the oak pollen follows it. Again, no problem for me, but others suffer greatly.

I don't know how it is that I’m not allergic to anything (or at least anything I've been exposed to yet), but I sure ain't complaining.

And I think I'd kill myself if I was allergic to red wine!

Blog #700

Hey, I can't believe it either, but there's a little counter doohickey on my Blogger Dashboard that tells me how many entries I've posted. And the one you're reading right now is number 700.

My first post was May 25th, 2005. I was on a European tour with the band System Of A Down at the time, sitting in Lisbon, Portugal, and obviously bored enough to figure out how to create a blog. No way I would have believed I'd be doing it for this long.

There must be something therapeutic about it…

Cute Little Inchworms

There's a quarter-mile stretch of the greenway where there must be 200-300 inchworms hanging down on silky threads from the trees over the trail. I think inchworms are about the cutest little boogers ever and I love having one sit on my hand and do his little inchworm crawl.

What I DON'T love is constantly walking into the little bastards. Or worse, running or bicycling face-first into them, sometimes not seeing them in time to change course.

All this week, I've been coming home from my walks, runs and rides covered in them. And yes, I even got one square in my open mouth while panting for breath during a run. Lucky for me (and for him), I spit him out.

My buddy Foy called mid-afternoon and we decided to meet up at the Falls Tap Room up near his house for a few late-afternoon brewski's on their patio. I'd never been there before. It was cool, I'll be going back.

After a few there, we dropped by a few of our usual haunts – Northside Billiards, High Park Grill, etc. No big haps tonight, just good beer and good times.

Crazy People Driving Me Crazy

Man, I tell ya what, some folks really should not have a damn driver's license. I nearly got creamed today by an idiot talking on a mobile phone.

Here in North Carolina, the state legislature is on the verge of passing a law prohibiting texting while driving. I wish they'd take that thought to its logical conclusion and ban the use of any portable device while operating a motor vehicle. I'm pretty sure it's already illegal for anyone under 18 to use a cell phone, but it should really cover people of ALL ages.

No shit, I really think that the world is full of much worse drivers than it was 20 years ago…

Doctors Orders

It's so good to read the truth at last. I love this Doctor!

Q: I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this true?

A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it. Don't waste them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart will not make you live longer -- that's like saying you can extend the life of your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap.


Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?

A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more than an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass (green leafy vegetable). And a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended daily allowance of vegetable products.


Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?

A: No, not at all. Wine is made from fruit. Brandy is distilled wine, that means they take the water out of the fruity bit so you get even more of the goodness that way. Beer is also made out of grain. Bottoms up!


Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?

A: Well, if you have a body and you have fat, your ratio is one to one. If you have two bodies your ratio is two to one, etc.


Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?

A: Can't think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No Pain...Good!


Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?

A: YOU'RE NOT LISTENING!!! Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil. In fact, they're permeated in it. How could getting more vegetables be bad for you?


Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?

A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach.


Q: Is chocolate bad for me?

A: Are you crazy? HELLO, cocoa beans! Another vegetable!!! It's the best feel good food around!


Q: Is swimming good for your figure?

A: If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me.


Q: Is getting in-shape important for my lifestyle?

A: Hey! "Round" is a shape!


Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets. And remember:

Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, Chardonnay in one hand, chocolate in the other, body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming "WOO HOO, what a ride!"

AND…

For those of you who watch what you eat, here's the final word on nutrition and health. It's a relief to know the truth after all those conflicting nutritional studies.

1. The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

3. The Chinese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

4. The Italians drink a lot of red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

5. The Germans drink a lot of beers and eat lots of sausages and fats and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

CONCLUSION: Eat and drink what you like. Speaking English is apparently what kills you…

I Can Relate...

Ya ever have days like this?

House Hunting

I finally got around to looking for the two cool houses I see from the greenway on my bike ride all the time. Had to spend a few minutes driving around in a neighborhood I wasn't familiar with, but it was worth the time.

Here's the backside of the one I posted back on March 20th:

And here's what it looks like from the street side:

I love the seating area up on the roof, accessible via the way-cool spiral staircase and by what I think is an elevator in the rooftop structure. Click on the photo to enlarge it and let me know if you agree.

This next house, I couldn't get a good shot of from the greenway due to the thickness of the foliage. I had no clue whatsoever that it would be as cool as this:

I was gonna watch the NCAA Championship game tonight at home on my own big ol' TV, but my friend Lisa called and asked if I wanted to meet her at High Park (the sports bar a block from my house) and watch it there with her. OK, I can't say no to a pretty girl, so that's what I did. That is, right after I set my DVR to record the game. You know, in case I got distracted for whatever reason.

When I got there, about 45 minutes before game time, pretty much all the tables were taken, but there were 2 primo stools available at the bar, with plenty of bigscreen action over and behind the bar.

There was a guy 2 seats over to my left (with his date sitting between us), who was a-hootin' and a-hollering like crazy as soon as the game started. I nearly fell off my damn stool laughing when I looked over at him. This clown was wearing a button-down collar, Carolina blue dress shirt and a bowtie. OK, in and of itself, nothing to alert the Fashion Police about (admission – I’m a total slob, myself). But he also had on seersucker shorts. I've never seen seersucker short pants in my life. Seersucker is a weird enough fabric to begin with, but shorts? WTF? To put his outfit totally over-the-top (from the bottom), he also had on a pair of 99-cent drugstore flip-flops.

To recap, dress shirt, bowtie, seersucker shorts, flip-flops. You'd have been laughing, too, right? Or maybe I was just being mean…

Anyway, Carolina won by a wide margin and a good time was had by all.

OK, except for maybe the four Michigan State Fans who were there…

OK, I Suck, I Get That...

Sorry I'm such a slackass. Until I put a counter on this blog, I had no idea so many people checked it out every day. I will try to get it caught up soon, I promise...

There were days this past week when there were as many as 75 hits in a single day. I'm curious as to who my readers might be. Can y'all stand up and count off?

Or at least send me an email to: bd58@aol.com and claim credit for being bored enough to read this shit?

Hahahahahahahaha...

I love this:

Not A Pretty Day...

Went out with my friend Laura last night to see a friend of hers who plays in a Bluegrass band. They were playing at Horniblow's Tavern, the retail bar for the Big Boss Brewery, which is located about a half-mile from my house. Never had dinner and the Belgium Blonde I was drinking was over 7% alcohol. Kicked my ass! I'm talking sleeping until the afternoon, then crawling to the couch and feeling like hell the rest of the day.

Watershed, from Columbus, OH, one of my favorite bands ever, was playing tonight at Slim's and I felt too lousy to go see them. I'm pissed at myself. No more high-alcohol brews for me…

Some Folks Just Ain't Right...

Somebody emailed this to me today. I think it's pretty self-explanatory…

Springtime!

The realization that spring has sprung thrust itself upon me as soon as I left the house this morning for my walk and run. There was a pair of mockingbirds going at it in the middle of the street. I'm talking about the horizontal mambo, making whoopee, shaggin', bumpin' uglies, whatever you want to call it. I mean they were getting' busy!

So that, and the number of bugs hatching down by the creek, tells me that spring is officially here.

The Porch Visitor

As I was leaving my house to go do something today, I opened my front door to discover an 8 or 9-inch baby snake sitting right smack dab in the middle of the porch. Not sure what kind it was. I also have no idea how it got there - maybe one of the feral cats deposited him there?

I didn't think I would have time to grab my camera and get a photo before he got away, so I don't have one to post here.

I grabbed a couple of small sticks and managed to wrangle him across the street to the little garden area in the park.

If'n the little bastard knows what's good for him, he won't come back.

Cat Haters Can Go To Hell...

My friend Carina lives in Durham, NC, and sent me this photo today. She took it somewhere in Durham. I wonder what on earth ticked these people off so much!You may have to click on the photo (which enlarges it) in order to read everything.

Me, I love cats! I think they're great.

Is It Halloween Already?

Got this in an email today. It's a long time until Halloween, but this is funny as hell:

I Like This...

I think this is pretty neat. And funny! It's a website called "Garfield Minus Garfield" and is described as follows:

"Garfield Minus Garfield is a site dedicated to removing Garfield from the Garfield comic strips in order to reveal the existential angst of a certain young Mr. Jon Arbuckle. It is a journey deep into the mind of an isolated young everyman as he fights a losing battle against loneliness and depression in a quiet American suburb."

Very weird, even disturbing. I like that. Go read a few of them at:

Garfield Minus Garfield

Words Of Wisdom (You can't drink all day...)

OK, I'm a dumbass. I forgot to take my camera with me this weekend on the Bristol trip, so there won't be any pictures of the awesome fun we had.

My buddy Foy picked me up around 7:30am on Saturday morning, and we headed off to Biscuitville to load up on ham biscuits for the others and some egg & cheese biscuits for me. Next, to the airport where we picked up his buddies George and Don, straight off the plane from Baltimore.

Headed to Boone, to the Beal family mountain home, our base camp for the next couple of days. Before getting there, we dropped the other guys off at another friend's house, so they could borrow a vehicle, which they would need because Foy & I were gonna head on over to Bristol for the Nationwide Series race and the Saturday Night Special – more on that one in a minute.

We swung by the Beal homestead, opened the place up, Foy turned on the heat and the water. I claimed a downstairs bedroom, dropped my stuff, and 30 minutes later we were Bristol-bound. It's about a 70 or 80 mile drive to the track from the house, and we got there during the Nationwide (or as I still call it, the Busch) race. It was fun, but it wasn't the real reason we went to the track today.

That would be the Saturday Night Special, a special event that would feature such NASCAR legends as Junior Johnson, Cale Yarbrough and Harry Gant. David Pearson was supposed to run, but had his son drive the car instead. The race was a total hoot, as were the crazy, drunk women from Ohio sitting in front of us. They were squatters, meaning that they didn't actually have tickets for the seats they were in, but who cared? They were funny.

After the racin' was done, we drove back to the house, where the other fellows had prepared a mighty fine meal. We had a total of 7 guys for dinner and drinkin' and basketball watching. An early night was had by most, in preparation for the next day's main event, the Sprint Cup Series race.

Up early and six of us split for the track between 9:30 and 10:00. Bristol is one of the finest tracks on the NASCAR circuit and it always puts on a great show. Unfortunately, that little shithead Kyle Busch pretty much ran away with the race. Foy and I split at lap 480 (out of 500) because neither one of us can stand to watch that fucker win a race. We hiked back to the truck about a mile away, and hung out drinking a few beers while waiting for the others to return following the end of the race.

After that, back to the house for another fine dinner, with drinkin' and laughin' to go with it. Again, it wasn't a very late night.

I was up around 4 this morning, as we were trying to leave by 5:30am. Had to get George and Don back to the Raleigh airport by 9am to catch their 9:55 flights out.

I was the youngest guy present all weekend, and here's a couple of things I learned while hanging out with the mid-50's crowd.

Words of wisdom regarding the average male's mid-50's, typically the time of onset prostate issues:

1. "Never pass a urinal."
2. "Never trust a fart."
3. "Never waste a hard-on."

I thought that was the funniest stuff I'd ever heard. I probably won't think it's so damn funny a few years from now.

And I learned the following, which will also not be attributed to anyone by name, so as to protect the guilty:

1. "Women are not real people."
2. "If they didn't have vaginas, we'd hunt them with dogs."

The most valuable piece of wisdom I took away from the weekend was this, though:

"You can't drink all day if you don't start in the morning."

Now truly, those are words to live by…

Lovin' The Greenway

I gotta say, I love the City of Raleigh's Greenway Trail System. I try to walk on it every morning, I run on it, I bike on it, I spot critters on it, I even occasionally try to single-handedly stamp out Wake County's copperhead population on it.

I've been neglecting to post a few photos I've recently taken while out and about, so today is catch-up day…

A geezer on the greenway:

A way cool house you can only see this time of year, when the trees are bare:I'd love to see this house from the other (street) side and have been meaning to go driving around in that neighborhood to find it.

Part of the boardwalk over the marshlands in East Raleigh:

First snake of the year, spotted on March 7th:I very gently shoo'ed it off the greenway path and back into the woods.

A beaver I spotted a few minutes later. You may have to click on this photo to enlarge it so you can see him:

The second snake, spotted March 9th:This one was also gently shoo'ed away.

According to this sign, located at one of the greenway's trailheads, I guess it is illegal for me to be whacking those copperheads. Both the cops I talked to about it said they'd do the same thing, but maybe they haven't seen the signs.

Of course, I ignore the bottom sign, too. Who the hell is gonna ride their bike under 10 miles-per-hour? Sure ain't gonna be me...

Say WHAT?

I can't believe I passed this test. My hearing's been shot forever. I ruined it with loud music many years ago - playing guitar in my bedroom as a teenager, listening to a way-too-loud stereo (through both loudspeakers and headphones), working onstage as a guitar tech, attending a million concerts without earplugs in my ears. Hell, I'm surprised I can hear ANYTHING these days.

I've had TINNITUS for over 20 years, so there will never again be any such thing as a quiet room. That shit rings all the time. I can hear it ringing now, even though I'm playing music over my stereo as I'm typing this.

Of course, if some woman I'm dating is trying to say something I don't like, I can always choose to ignore it and claim I didn't hear her, so maybe there's an upside to damaged hearing.

Here, you take the test and see how well you do...

Created by Train Horns

Cool Video...

Click on this: Cool Video

Hallmark Holidays and The McGangBang...

Yet another ridiculous commerce-driven, bullshit holiday. I’m not sure which one I detest more, St. Patrick's Day or Halloween. Sure, they both have somewhat more organic origins, but now they're both just an excuse to sell shit – booze and candy, respectively. I choose not to participate.

On another note, this is hilarious: The McGangBang.

And unlike the McRib, it's apparently NOT a limited-time offer. My arteries clogged just reading about this:

McGangBang (click it and behold)

Bored, With Typos

It's a cold, rainy, nasty day outside. Gonna be that way all day, I hear. Perfect for staying indoors and watching the ACC men's basketball tournament.

Watching the Carolina/Virginia Tech game, something kept bugging me every time they'd break for a commercial. I finally realized I was staring at a big fat typo in the on-screen graphic. See it?

You're right – there's supposed to be an "r" in the middle of the word Quarterfinals.

OK, rainy day, I'm bored, totally anal about typos (although I'm guilty of plenty of them myself), and the telephone is within arm's reach. So I called the Raycom Sports home office in Charlotte and tell Linda, the nice lady who answered the phone, about what I'd observed. I gave the situation 50/50 odds of being remedied. Would they care?

It took them until the end of the game, but they finally fixed it:

I wonder if some engineer somewhere was embarrassed?

Bob's Big Deck...

My poor ol' deck is just looking worn out these days and I need to get a few more years of life out of it, so I hired a feller to come by two days ago to powerwash and stain & seal it. The powerwashing alone made an amazing difference. After it had dried for 48 hours, he came back today to stain & seal it.

A work in progress:

I can already tell it's gonna look a helluva lot better…